Im Tired

Im Tired.

There I said it.

Its been over month now since life drastically changed.

Working in essential business, not much for us has changed work wise other than only providing essential service which has meant some slower days. I am still going to our office every weekday while our kids (teen and tween) spend their days at home. I am grateful that we are in touch multiple times a day, I am close enough to go home if needed and do at various mid-day times. I am grateful my kids are safe at home, but they are also at home and have been for over a month.

Today I woke up feeling exhausted. even though I did sleep well and slept all night. I am physically and mentally feeling absolutely drained. The uncertainty, the unknown.

As I was sitting at work, I began getting a pain in my left ankle, more specifically the ball on my ankle. I have learned that many, if not all, physical pain’s we feel in our body, is related to our emotions, so I looked it up.

Ankles… inflexibility and guilt. Ankles represent the ability to receive pleasure.

To say this pandemic has not been consuming my mind, especially during the work week would be a flat out lie. Thinking of going grocery shopping instantly raises my anxiety and I feel very tight in my shoulders, neck and upper chest.

As grateful as I am that both my husband and I are still working, I will admit I have felt horribly guilty that my children are home all day, everyday and weekdays alone. I am thankful that they have been so resilient. After this past weekend, Easter, it was slightly challenging. We normally get together with family, we couldn’t. The kids indulged in chocolate – hang on best be truthful, we all indulged in chocolate which threw us all off as we normally do not consume that much sugar.

Today my body is speaking to me, to acknowledge feeling guilty, that its ok, nothing is “normal”, everyone is in this together and ITS OK to feel whatever I (and you) are feeling.

Our school principal called today, to touch base and when she was asking how the kids were and I almost burst in tears. As soon as we hung up I did.

Its ok mama’s and dad’s to be TIRED. We aren’t all in the same boat, but we are all in the same storm.