I read that I had an ‘On This Day’ Post from June 17, 2022.
I remember this day, I remember this post…
It was my calm week… I remember like it was yesterday, thinking finally, my husband has healed from his accident and 3 surgeries.
June 17, 2022, this was days before I found out about our sons severe skin and autoimmune illness. I was in the bliss of my husband finally healing from his fall and 3 surgeries, not being as needed, having a little bit of time for me… and to figure out our new “normal”.
Here we are 4 years later, exactly.
Our son, has now had 3 surgeries, seems to finally be healing now and… our daughter was just, last month, diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer.
One day… I hope to feel and find this peace again <3
This week Sofia introduces the Lens-Artists Challenge with the topic of “Wonder“. Please do check out her post, she has some beautiful photos, I really like the Japan ones, the colours draw me in, as well as nature.
Wonder functions as both a verb and a noun, representing the capacity for curiosity or the feeling of awe inspired by something extraordinary. It bridges the gap between inquisitiveness and astonishment
When I saw this weeks theme earlier today, I knew one of the photos had to be of the lavender I snagged on Saturday while in between our cousins wedding and reception.
This photo made me think of how a couple is to stand on their wedding day, strong, in solitude, those all around them, but standing tall on their own. I just adore the sun rays shining down as well.
The wonder and beauty of macro images, truly incredible!
The way the macro lens can select and focus on one thing, bringing it into your vision and sight line. In the big picture of life, this is the only thing you need to think of and focus on. Allow yourself to do that. Let it be ok to do that, even amongst all that is in the background.
Sometimes it feels like you may get lost in the crowd.
Always remember your value and beauty there. In the wonder of it all, you truly are one of a kind. Your heart and soul matters. Your health matters. Always.
Quite honestly, my biggest wonder of the world is when this patriarcial medical system is going to collapse and be rebuilt as it should be – patient focused with compassion, calm, collaboration among all holistic avenues for the best of the human.
For far too often, you get lost in the crowd – pushed and pulled by someone else’s opinion. Our own worth being muddled by an opinion outside of ourselves. Where does this make sense, how can someone truly heal? Enough of the ‘old’ way things are done. Where patients put their full trust in a doctor – someone outside of you who cannot feel or heal within you. Where someone makes the decisions for you and you follow along.
I truly have a deep wondering desire to know why someone would need to fight for their health, have to yell to be heard or seen and question why they wont believe you. A true wonderment of the world processes…
After a very disappointing specialist appointment for our daughter on Friday we were hit with a Dr we had waited almost a month to see… tells us at the appointment he doesn’t do this surgery any longer and completely minimized the fact that its a Cancer diagnosis. This is fueling my wonderment of not only respect but also ethics in the medical system.
In my mid 40’s and I am now fully understanding the constraints of health when you are in a doing mindset, masculine energy, also right side of body. When it feels like you are pushing against the force, when it should be in flow.
I knew this Friday afternoon, within minutes of a ‘specialist’ walking into the room. The energy of the room changed, instantly. It felt like a cog in the wheel, no movement forward.
There are two sides to this, as a mother, who’ daughter was just diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer. Yes this is an ‘easier’ cancer to deal with, thank god, I am grateful for that. It IS still Cancer in a very young adult.
Advocating for my daughter, respectfully of course and also pushing back against this patriarchal medical system. A specialist chose to take an appointment that he shouldn’t have.
As a mother I was continually dumbfounded at the way our daughters appointment was going. With what we have dealt with the past few years, being a Doctor does NOT give you the right to treat patients with disrespect and delay treatment. At the end of the appointment when I questioned when we could approximately expect her surgery to be, he looked at us and said ‘I don’t do Thyroid surgery’… Surely to god this person doesn’t have kids and clearly doesn’t understand the lengths you will go to for your child, like driving them wherever to see an actual specialist who does this service. His reasoning, for ‘intercepting’ essentially, so he could then refer to his ‘colleague’… no this is not happening.
Greed… there is so much in the medical system, everyone has to get their dollar and dime for each second, but do they actually care, very little of them do. To most, you are merely just a number. So this specialist got paid to really do nothing but delay us.
We could have had an appt a week ago with an actual specialist who DOES do Thyroid Surgery and now are back to square one.When I woke up this morning, Monday, I had zero anxiety about work. Nothing. What hit me… all of this! Its Monday back to trying to get answers, a not so fun game that for whatever reason the universe seems to want to drag each of my family members through…
Ive learned the lesson, we follow through our own records, I analyze the F out of them, we are all now under the person I was seeing, and she is fully trusted by our family, we are truly grateful for her.
How can one person change this, which is silly to say because its so many people, I have other extended family members who have been perked around. So how do we change it?! By everyone not being scared to speak up.
People will publicly talk shit about small local businesses instead of talking one on one and yet pussy foot around Doctors, just because of their credentials or where you live. YOU know your body best, your gut and intuition will never lead you astray, if you listen and use common sense ;)
Never ever let a doctor minimize what you are feeling or delaying your comfort! We just finished our ensuite a couple months ago. Thank god, the amount of epsom salt baths Ive already taken, have been life saving and giving. Living a ‘balanced’ life of grief, sorrow, sorrow, anger and sadness is so friggin hard, all while trying to live my best life and be happy, grateful and all the things. It just feels so hard somedays and today is another one…
This beauty was blooming alongside our Lupines, I am guessing another type of Wild Flower that was in the mixed pack from last year!
Im not sure what this flower is, so why the title says Unknown. I just realized, its the ‘unknowns’ that have my heart in my throat.
Today, we meet with a specialist, to discuss my daughter’s Thyroid Cancer Diagnosis.
This morning, my body physically feels heavy, didn’t sleep great, almost having a histamine response to something… I think after the meeting, a long Epsom salt bath with some essential oils is definitely needed!
Do you pay attention to the little details in life? I was reminded of this when my dog refused to go on a walk and only wanted to be in the back yard or inside. The opportunity to sit and simply watch nature!
The leaves of the Lupine with raindrops and my 180mm macro lens! Delicious!
I had an appointment after work and arrived home later. I felt more relaxed, the osteopath is incredible help for my back and neck!
My mind has felt completely scattered lately. Nearing the specialist appointment. Feeling even more real, again. Next level.
When I got home, part of me wanted to go for a walk, a bigger part of me did not want to, I even said it out loud on my drive home. ‘I should go for a walk, no, no Im not doing that, my mind isnt there.’
When my mind isn’t in it, neither is my soul, everything just felt so scattered. Out of alignment.
✨️BE PRESENT✨️
My dog and I tried to to go for a walk, he was not into it, asking him to sit, and he simply would not, multiple asks, when not long before, maybe 5 or 10 min he happily did twice.
Present in the moment, paying attention to the dogs cues. Ok let’s go back home.
I grabbed my camera with my 180mm f3.5L lens on it to capture the Lupine in our back yard.
As he went into the back yard, he stirred up a bee that was hanging low in the grass.
I had placed a chair near the planter boxes, to get the raindrops on the leaves. And then… the bee arrived!
When you have to BE PRESENT, because bees move quickly and you capture this!
I am loving this collection!
Lupine and the Bee 🐝
I was in my back yard, bare feet in the grass. The grounding I needed for my body, heart and soul!
While out for a walk the other morning with my dog I looked into the trees and saw this! I was out taking photos for my wordpress blog challenege with the Lens-Artists. This week was Focus! I love how it just jumped out at me. The sunlight focusing on the top of the tree branches!
The challenge theme this week is focus, an awesome challenge with new growth in Spring, early summer that has graced us with its presence lately. I have felt stifled in my enthusiasm to get out with my camera, when honestly its exactly what I needed. I shared yesterday on my blog that we recently got some heavy news about our daughter.
Patti introduces the theme as focus with a variety of examples and encourages the reader to select 2 or 3 tips and share several examples, with limiting each to 4.
Vary your Subject Placement
Simplify your background
Selective Focus
Negative Space
Leading Lines
Get in Closer
For my examples – a morning walk with my dog and my camera and big macro lens – was just what I needed – for me and the challenge! I grabbed my EF 180mm f3.5L Macro Lens and my Canon R6MII camera. I am going with Selective Focus + Simplify Your Background + Negative Space – as with macro, you have colour but you also get that beautiful negative space look!
I haven’t walked with my dog and a camera in a bit. I woke early this morning, he was up too, no one else was awake at the cottage so after feeding him, we prepared to go for a walk – longer than originally anticipated, however needed, so much! This was on our way back, I couldn’t even begin to tell you the exact route of our walk, we got lost in the streets but eventually found our way back – trust! I saw this, as I looked over, the sun, somehow perfectly shining on the tip top of this tree.
As we turned the one corner, the sun was shining in the grass perfectly that you could see the dew. I purposely used selective focus in this image and focused towards the mid level with the foreground and background more blurry, beautiful bokeh!
I love lilac’s, they fondly remind me of my childhood, we had a big beautiful lilac bush at one of our houses and I loved the smell! In this image I really like the negative space and I purposely focused on the lilac.
I love the look of these tiny little flowers. Selective focus on the blue blossoms with white and blue in behind.
I really love the simplicity of this image, the focus being on the deep purple flower – gorgeous colour – selective focus as I was using my 180mm macro lens still at f3.5.
I forgot I got this shot! I just love dew (rain) drops in nature! Selective focus and negative space that macro creates – which is what I love! Look at that big drop! Love it.
We arrived home, from 24 hours away to these beauties blooming in our garden boxes. With my R6MII and 180mm f3.5L Macro
This one is also Get Closer!
The walk this morning felt so healing, I will admit since my brother passed, I can hit overwhelm, anxiety and all levels in between high and low much quicker. This morning, I am proud of myself for following through with my souls call to get up and out and go for a walk – something both myself and the dog needed. With a focus theme and my big macro lens, it felt like a dream team to get this heart re-ignited. I could have went back through my archives, however this, is what I needed and I love the images I have added to my collection.
Today is already a special day within our extended family, I learned this morning its also Cancer Survivors Day.
This year, its hitting the heart incredibly different than anything other year.
Grandparents having Cancer sucks, up until May 18th that was as close as it was to me and my bloodline. Sadly Cancer took my mother in law far too soon and she is deeply missed. My FIL also battled Cancer a few times and is still here with us as a Cancer Survivor.
This year, hits the heart in a way that I do not even want to explain, it hurts my heart, my nervous system is completely upside down as we help our daughter navigate this path to become Cancer free.
Thinking of anyone on this journey, especially the parents watching their children navigate this journey.
