This beautiful blanket of snow that graced us on new years day, continues on! I love how fresh and clean it looks outside breathing in the cold winter air!
My boy’s first winter! 9 months old and he is loving the deep snow ❄️ Even on days I may not feel like doing anything, this boy is absolutely filled with love and excitement! He was so excited when we went out to shovel the walk again this morning! A beautiful reminder of how the universe works and why he came into our life when he did 🙏 It was known I would definitely need the emotional support and also the distraction.
My new year began with heart supporting choices and a few new reads that I’ve had on my heart. I am loving the words of @briannawiest in her book #ThePivotYear – just 4 pages in and I highly recommend! I also snagged her book, When You’re Ready This is How You Heal. I am also absolutely loving @donnaashworthwords book #GrowingBrave Along side my own journaling in a basic journal with lined pages, I am eagerly awaiting the daily journal #WordsToLiveBy by Donna Ashworth!!!
“What you engage with is what you empower” Brianna Wiest – The Pivot Year
Its easy to think back to that morning of May 19th, all was somewhat “normal” within our world, yet at the same time it was like waiting for the floor to drop out. That morning, I had a deep realization that our life was about to shift in a big way. A way that instantly put me into fear, not for the loss but for the why that may come after.
When I had my first dog, I was in an unhealthy high school relationship that was sadly emotionally and verbally abusive. To the point where my dog got out of the car with me the one day and then refused to go inside that house. I love a dogs intuition and how they instantly can honor that. He saw me through alot, he was with me when I went through the infertility battle, when we were blessed with becoming parents, and then quickly after our 2nd being born to complete our family. He was with us until a couple days after we had moved to our new house, just outside of town that we saw as our forever home. It was like he waited to ensure his family would be good, knew we would be held. We were, our last boy, grew up with our toddlers, it was busy, omg so busy I remember those years through my photos! Grateful our kids got to grow up with their cousins for so many years. It was a couple months later our Beck came home, during one of the hardest years of my life. Merely a months later, my life would shift and he was a rock through my physical and emotional healing, for the days, weeks and months I needed it most, and for many years. He knew when his mama needed support and would use his physical body to lay on me, like a weighted blanket. July 2024 he would have been 13 ❤
That May 19th morning, I felt it in my heart, we were on borrowed time. We knew in our hearts and had previously discussed, when the time came that our Beck needed to say goodbye, we would welcome a new boy into our hearts and home. That morning, as I saw his sweet face looking back at me, I instantly went to denial, then ok maybe we do just get him now and Becker can be with him for a bit. I put my phone down and went about my day, gardening with my husband and the dogs out front, we had my parents dog with us at the time. Within hours of seeing the pup’s photo, our Becker was crossing the rainbow bridge. 111
I could feel myself sink into the fear again, I knew deep in my soul something was coming that I would need to face… much like how things unfolded for both my Elwood and Becker. I felt like I was swimming in emotions again. Very happy with the decision to get the Gunner we did in May, training was so smooth with him and much easier through the summer & fall! Even during the puppy shark days, I reminded myself this is temporary. Becker knew, just like Elwood did. I love that I can trust that knowing, trust my own intuition and embrace being ok with needing… as someone who has been a people pleaser and fixer for years. 2025 we are healing that…
In the couple months following our Becker’s passing, the physical pain began setting in deeper, after years of taking care of others, I was maxed out and it began showing up in how I was feeling, pelvic pain I hadn’t had in years, my sleep was worse, brain fog, digestive system imbalance, deeper tension in my body and my blood sugar levels. Emotionally, I then began to sink.
Yesterday, it hit me, this is exactly why Gunner came into my, our, life when he did. He literally gives me a reason every morning to get up, at a time when I was very emotionally at a loss after Becker and especially in November after Adam passed. Our kids are teenagers now, sure they “need” us, but they don’t need us like after Elwood crossed the rainbow bridge. He gives me a reason to get up and going, he pushes me to be active because he likes spurts of activity (we are well matched there lol!). After work, as I drove home and admired the beautiful clean white snow, I knew when I got home, Gunn and I would shovel the walk way, to also give him and opportunity to wear off energy and for me to get some physical activity as well!
He reminds me, as a mama of teens to take better care of me now. That rest is encouraged, much like a baby/toddler, our 9mth old puppy does need his naps and thrives so much better when he has down time during the day, as well as a scheduled routine bedtime!
Beyond the benefits of physical activity, he is very loving and loves his people. Personal space doesn’t exist, he wants to be close, but is starting to understand we can have some space when cuddling! He reminds me of portions and disciplines everyday, the dog isn’t the only one who needs probiotics daily!
2025 is MY shift year, where similar to when Beck was by my side, I dive back into my health, but this time deeper and more consistent. As I told Gunner, both he and I are actively in training and have been now for a few weeks.
The love of a dog is like no other. They rarely if ever have a bad day, when loved and are beyond excited to see you come home! Each of these boys have taught me so much, most of all the power of unconditional and self love.
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