Navigating Grief: Signs from Beyond and Self-Care

The other day I was contemplating something, as a spiritual person I am more aware of universal signs and so I asked for a sign. I specifically asked my brother for a sign. I remember thinking to myself to be aware of what I may see, hear, smell, touch and suddenly I could smell his cologne. The irony is that our son wears the same. He was not home at the time. Trust me when I say it was quite the mind fuck smelling that smell, it stopped me in my tracks quite a few times.

I acknowledged the sign of the cologne smell, even to the fact that I stopped myself and said wait what day is it, he’s not here (our son)… which then pushed me to ask for a confirmation sign, ok I see this sign show me a signier sign. In all seriousness when you are spiritual and ask for a sign like this on a level like this, once I can get myself past this full trust spot, its purely magical.

The next sign showed up quick again, in the kitchen alone making food and I could feel something/someone touching near my left ear and on the back of my neck.

Believe it. Believe all the signs.

I have days that feel this magical, that I can talk to him and although I do not see him, its like we have this new spiritual relationship where when I DO stop and listen and watch for the signs he IS here with me.

Its really mind bending loosing someone so young, as much as it is real, it doesn’t feel real. Yet at the same time it can feel absolutely painful.

I feel much more comfortable pulled in, this weekend having the time and space to BE home has been heart filling. A break between the hockey/snowmobiling season – also known as winter, currently in the season of mud while we await the beauty of spring, I am reminded how rewarding being present can be.

The songs take over my heart, Ive been (finally) slathering on oils on me morning, afternoon and night, Im still doing the diffuser blends every single morning both at home and work, and part of my evening routine at home. Meal planning, ensuring that I am getting protein every morning – I was lacking on this before, I can see when shouldering the responsibility of care-giving for others, its natural to neglect our own needs, which doesn’t serve anyone else. Its now been over a month I have been consistently making my work week breakfasts on Sunday and have things prepped to grab and go, very protein rich! Making home made sour dough bread and experimenting with protein muffins.

No one can tell you how to heal, not everyone will even care if or how you heal, healing requires to go deep within, the deeper the more thorough the healing. Reaching for holistic options that support my heart, brain and energy body. Understanding that slipping back into food support is not the best option. Being a healing emotional eater, and aware of this.

Embracing all that makes me, taking photos of everything, regardless of what we are doing, its a memory worth capturing, with full gratitude. As heart wrenching as it felt to upload thousands of photos to our digital frame, the gratitude that pours out of my heart seeing all of those images is profound.