This past weekend felt like a deep opportunity for healing as a family, for my own immediate family and our extended family – which I embraced as we gathered for the July long weekend.
A fun thing we like to do is go for rides… sometimes it gets a little deep. As you can see below. Since my husbands accident back in 2020 we always ride at the back, and stay out of situations like this due to his leg. As soon as I saw this, my heart began to panic – yes these machines are meant for getting wet, yes he is very capable to drive this and handled it well.
This was a situation where my heart lept into worry, where I am reminded of my need to stay calm, when the trauma response jumps before I do, my heart has been through a lot with the husbands accident with multiple surgeries and dealing with the Canadian medical system, then our boy and multiple surgeries, also dealing with the medical system and with on going challenges, even before those the kids being yo-yo’d in and out of school, my mama heart has been pulled through the ringer in the 2020’s and although 2025 IS for deeper healing, I catch myself quickly at times falling into the fear… I know my nervous system has some very deep healing needed and there is no way to rush this, healing happens in time with multi-level grief.
Everyone was safe, everyone was capable at handling everything. My husband reminded me all is ok… yet when you have been ON for so long, its not that easy for your nervous system to calm.
“Psychology says when women face constant stress and uncertainty, their bodies learn to live in survival mode. They stay alert, tense and exhausted. Always waiting for the next thing to go wrong. Even in moments of calm, their minds don’t relax. Its not because they are overreacting, its because their nervous system has forgotten what safety feels like. ”
As I sat there, I could feel myself in that freeze state, and felt the nudge to begin taking photos – I quietly said to myself, ‘ok little brother, you are my boy’s co-pilot now, keep him safe…’ I continued taking photos the entire ride, the entire weekend and finally got through them last night. Side note — take the photos! We have been blessed with digital opportunities for capturing memories… take all the photos! This weekend I culled through over 800 between my phone and big camera 😉
Early this morning I saw this…
As I was going through my photos (I shoot in RAW so my “editing” process is processing from RAW to JPEG with mild tweaking of the images), I see this photo… that blue orb… is right beside my boy, after I asked for protection for him from my brother (who passed in Nov).
In the big picture, was all was well, however a healing nervous system doesn’t initially see that, which is why I made my silent prayer. My heart was bursting when I saw this orb. I talk to my brother all the time, a song comes on its like he’s talking to me, or pictures show up on the digital frame, like at the perfect time, and I am instantly back in that moment. This shot was through the windshield, no glaring bright sun, that orb… is authentic!
A beautiful reminder, as much as it hurts so much that he will never be physically with us, this just shows me HE IS WITH US. He is listening, he is protecting, he is free. I am grateful he is free from his pain, and yes selfishly wish he were still here with us, so much.
Ive always been one who strongly believes in our spiritual connection and this just showed me that in a very very BIG way.
Talk to the other side, talk to your loved ones… they hear you ❤
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