Life is interesting at times, as I lean into myself even more I can better sense when I need to be more gentle with myself, or when I need to stop and redirect.
As a strong coping mechanism I have leaned hard on the redirect and listening.
As the oldest of my siblings, Ive been the one to communicate a lot with them, this week as I was communicating with my siblings, it hit me, again, its just the three of us. I know I should say “just” very loosely, so I pray he was there, he was present spiritually and oversaw all.
Last night I took some time for me, as I could feel the emotions slipping, I allowed the tears to fall, into the redirect. As much as I wanted, in that moment to just sit and have the biggest pity party, I clearly heard, get your camera.
Something that provides me so much heartfelt joy, and as soon as I am behind it, everything else fades, my heart opens up to the immaculate beauty all around me. I don’t have to travel far, my macro lenses are my outlet, nature, my subject.
Today, I begin an 8 week workshop, one that I happened upon when I opened Facebook a few weeks ago, a friend, who I reconnected with in the spring, who also has a pull to 444, is running and said it completely transformed her life.
Today, I face a fear of the unknown, I resisted looking through the workbook, however truthfully it didn’t take much resistance, everything new in the past 8 months has been hard. It just clicked… that the day, today… that this course begins… its exactly 8 months.
8 months since a piece of me left, since my life forever changed.
The same day, I begin this transformational course, with strangers, well, I know who is facilitating it, everyone else strangers, healing just like me in their own way. Change, embarking on something new, can still shake up emotions, which hit me yesterday.
Ive been told I shouldn’t share too much, keep it private. And yet, I personally, over the years have learned, shifted and healed in so many diverse ways, from reading other people’s stories. We can all learn and grow by trusting and sharing, without judgment, that can be so freeing. Ive finally broken the connection with social media, truthfully for the past 5+ years it was like a support system, virtually of course. And yet, when it all came down to it… well virtually its there, my heart however has realized, the major shifts I needed to make to help free my energy. As I logged into FB this morning, to grab a screen shot of the group and the information, I had no desire to poke around and see what anyone else is doing, this is Pam’s time. Truthfully Ive tried the online life, online “support” and in my experience, on social media, its just not authentic or real, the relationships are merely that, online and rarely shift out of it. Even in a time of need.
Ive had a strong pull to my blog, to my photography and I am grateful that last week something finally clicked and shifted. As I sat and wrote all that I was releasing, it felt in that moment like the shift began. Then burning those pages, reinforced it, there was no coming back from that desire. The pull back to my core of creativity, my blog. Where I also found comfort and solace for so many years prior to social media hitting the world stage. Where posting photos, goes so much deeper than just hitting like, it develops into conversation, understanding, curiosity and gets the mind going in the best way. Feeling proud and honored to share your art and the words effortlessly fall across the page.
Grief sucks, straight up. Sudden and unexpected, even more. I learn hard on gratitude, the connection we had was deep and I am so grateful for that.
I do truly believe the energy of and within this world is shifting, I can feel it. Truth is the knower and being of all, and if you aren’t living your truth, whatever that may be, get ready for a major shift in your life. Which will take you there by listening to your heart!
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