Thoughtful Thursday Photo & Words | #4

I created this challenge for the conscious stream of words and photos that align. This past weekend I was faced with what was at first a potential serious issue, that quickly rose into something no one wants to ‘deal’ with. One that sadly triggered something deep within me. Death itself, but also this was also the same weekend I received a call 10 years prior, from police, after my co-worker was tragically killed.

I created this challenge as an outlet for myself, and others if they choose to participate. Allowing the words to come up that need to and intuitively selecting an image to share with the heartfelt words with Thoughtful Thursday Photo & Words! Allow yourself to type, however much feels right and intuitively select an image to go with.

The energy felt heavy, yet as I had found myself in a routine, even when it gets heavy and feels hard, we keep going. Just do what you need to do. I did that for years. All through the covid years, my husband and son’s multiple surgeries, as well as regular life as a mom, working full time, married and with daily house chores. Who then began neglecting herself and her own needs.

I can’t do that anymore. Where I used to instantly get that adrenaline hit of ok, this is on you, you need to do this, you need do that. My energy can’t do it anymore. I physically cannot. I need my downtime and I have to be ok with that. I know when this shifted. I lost a piece of me. I just can’t do it all – and thats ok! Its ok to ask for help, its ok to voice feelings, its ok to want to be seen and heard. Its ok to sit in silence. Its ok to not feel ok. Its ok to feel angry. Its ok to feel frustrated. Its ok to feel happy. Its ok to feel sad. Its ok to feel however you need to feel, as long as you are feeling and not bypassing. For me anyway, to live in my truth.

I didn’t realize how much this triggered until Monday hit and I felt like I couldn’t complete anything that I needed to. I felt overwhelmed, I felt emotional, everything felt hard, I was exhausted and I had zero drive. Voicing my needs to my husband and kids, grateful for understanding and collaboration – but most of all space, time and silence. I knew I needed to allow myself the permission to do nothing if that is what I needed, that was what I needed, to do very little and re-balance. Sunday, late morning when I got back home, I put aside what I had actually planned on “doing” that Sunday morning and I went straight to my den to get my Palo Santo to cleanse my body. Ive repeated that everyday, to help re-balance my body and energy. Allowing the tears to fall. They had already been that morning. Cleansing with forgiveness, love and gratitude.

I knew I needed to continue honoring my heart, when it feels hard, moving energy helps in big ways – for a few weeks Ive been wanting to do some significant shifts downstairs, including another round of decluttering after the holidays. Tuesday evening, working together with our kids, it took less than the 30 minutes I had asked of them and oh my goodness does it feel and look so much better. Being a visual person, when I feel internal turmoil, if my external world also looks cluttered and disorganized, this for me, makes it that much harder. Its incredible how deeper I can breathe when my space is not cluttered, especially the counters and floor!

The day before I was deeply triggered, we enjoyed a snowmobile ride over to see our daughter play hockey. Although half the ride was more rough than I prefer, being out in the fresh air, felt incredible! It ended up being a full body workout, finding muscles I hadn’t used in a while.

Leaving Listowel, this was the view on the trail. So beautiful with trees and water on either side of the raised trail. This part of the trail was great!