Do What You Love

I was promptly reminded yesterday, ‘Do what you love’ after being hit with what felt like another double whammy from modern medicine.

After 3 months of waiting for 2 referrals, I called to find out where they were at to then find out… nothing… nothing in 3 months had been done. No referrals had been sent. I honestly froze when I heard those words, which was after the initial laugh from the person on the other end ‘that’s a normal time to wait’… When I questioned why nothing, in 3 months had been done. There was no answer. Nothing. No reason. Sadly hitting issues with the medical system has been our norm since 2020. My husband, my son, earlier this year my daughter and now… the one who took care of them all, now me. As people who rarely use the medical system, its extremely upsetting when you have a legitimate issue that needs modern medicine to help you figure out whats going on and you are literally just a number and get lost in the system. This has been something that has been bothering me in such a deep way, being extremely stressful, which it feels like has been almost all of the 2020’s with our modern medicine being screwed around with in such deep and dark ways.

As soon as I hung up the phone, the tears hit. Given all we have faced, I know when I need to cry, I just need to allow myself the permission regardless of where I am to cry. Crying for me is very cleansing, after many years of just bottling that up.

When something is completely out of my control, as much as I wanted to scream, hit something very hard, or wrap my hands around… I came home at lunch and grabbed my camera – the safest and most satisfying option. As I arrived home, I looked outside and could see the bee’s happily flying around our two trees at the front door.

The first group of images were blown, I was not even thinking straight and my settings were messed up. Once I realized I recomposed myself again. But it honestly pissed me off more.

I thought I had lost all the good shots… I was beating myself up about not even being able to do that right. See your not worth it. That voice of judgment can feel so damn real at times! Its not by the way…

I was also shown some love by the plant… Sometimes the littlest thing can have such a profound shift! I noticed this wee heart in the leaf and couldn’t help but stop and admire!

I kept hearing just shoot, its ok. So I did… Over 180 photos that I narrowed down to approx 50. I would normally delete ALL the blown ones, those are not my style and to be reminded of a screw up kinda sucks. However something pulled me to hang on to them. Like life, it doesn’t always go our way or flow how we feel it should. Taking a moment to recompose, find your true north, align your heart and soul and magic happens.

And then I saw this one above… The connection. Meet… THE MAGIC!

This image could never be planned. A reminder to trust. As I was shooting, I could feel the heaviness lifting, trust Pam, you will get the shots you desire – Trust!

Sometimes when you do lean on trust and honor your word, not being afraid to speak up, things come into alignment. Without fear.

The variety of bee’s of all kinds over these two trees was incredible and the fact that both my dog and I were around them and didn’t land on either of us once. I do talk to whatever I am photographing, may seem silly to some, however Ive never been bit by an animal, bird or insect when photographing them – for that I am grateful!

Taking the photos didn’t help my medical issue, however emotionally it was a HUGE shift. I was able to then take the time to write a letter and submit it with confidence asking for answers – and this time not just for me, validation of how patients are treated, no one deserves to live in discomfort and be gaslit or ignored by the medical system. Especially when someone calls and are met with a voicemail that indicates they are not answering the phones to ‘get caught up on work’.

You are the patient, YOU are allowed to push for answers and demand to be treated with respect.

Of course, being the spiritual person I am I had to look this up. Check out the meanings… of course they were all over my trees when I got home (they weren’t in the evening!).

The symbolism of the bee

The bee’s symbolism has many facets and many collective, individual, physical, and spiritual meanings:

• Efficient communication and interaction
• Endurance and tenacity
• The capacity to imagine and build
• The capacity to observe and gain a thorough understanding
• The sweetness of life
• Love and sharing
• Authenticity
• The urge to look within
• Affinity with light, with the divine
• Harmony with the rhythm of nature and life
• Healing or increased vitality
• Fertility and productivity
• Support and encouragement

The symbolism of the bee is a powerful reflection of their lives and the numerous myths this insect has inspired throughout history. According to ancient mythological tales, bees purify and strengthen the soul. They elevate us to the rank of civilization-building heroes, nurturing harmony amongst men with their knowledge and the powerful acts they accomplish despite their small demeanor. Source: Spirit Animal