Lens-Artists Challenge #364 | Quiet Moment

This weeks theme is the perfect timing. Ritva announced the challenge with her own beautiful post.

“Where is your serene sanctuary? Is it the warm comfort of sipping your morning coffee as the world gently comes to life around you? Perhaps it’s the peaceful moments spent doing yoga by yourself. This week’s challenge is “story-driven” adventure, encouraging you to explore and connect with your own experiences and emotions – “quiet moment”. ” An excerpt from her post.

A well loved family member has not been well, someone who has been a prominent person in my, our lives for many years.

Friday when we got the news that it wasn’t looking well, I honestly wanted to just allow myself time to cry… we had plans to golf and the sensitive emotional person that I am I couldn’t think beyond what looked like an impending loss. I wanted to cancel and just be home. My husband knew better and said unless it was raining, we weren’t cancelling. I called the course and was told its clear.

Golfing with my husband, when it wasn’t busy was exactly what I needed. This shot with my cell phone, also for Cell Pic Sunday 😉

It was a crisp, cool evening, warmer in the sun. My golf shots were not great at all, well I had the odd great one, my mind was consumed and I have a hard time separating myself from heart ache. As I could feel myself getting frustrated at the first hole, I took a very deep breath and said, you’re out here for exercise, walk, move, hit the ball and whatever happens, happens. Its incredible what that little pep talk did for me, even though I was still very much conscious of reality, I was able to get myself to a relaxation level that I needed. I wasn’t even half way through my drink and I looked at my husband puzzled, I suddenly felt, how can I describe, like the best happiest buzz ever, and yet I still had half my can left, of my first drink. Im grateful he didn’t let me quit on the game, or myself.

As part of my own conscious healing, one thing is being present WITH the things or modalities or people or silence that I KNOW helps me. With various emotional traumas Ive been hit with over the years, I can now see how I would completely self sabotage on myself. Keep moving forward, thats what we are supposed to do, don’t dwell in that feeling, just keep moving. Our parents and grandparents generations many very much of the mind that you don’t do anything and goodness you do not talk about it, just keep moving forward.

I can see how I was put here, why perhaps, because it ends with me. Ive finally allowed myself permission to BE that sensitive soul that I am. After talking with my dad on Friday at a job site, and as many days go, talking work and family, I was upset hearing what he was saying about a loved one, I left the site and went back to my vehicle in tears. As I was sitting there, trying to compose myself to drive, I looked over and a vehicle a few away from me had 444 on the license plate. When we arrived at Pike Lake, my husband pulled into the parking lot and there at the other end was what looked like the same van my brother drove for the refrigeration company he worked for, a van I had only ever seen when he began working for them. When we left the course, the van was still there. It felt like a sign to me, my brother was making his presence known. At the same time I was feeling all the emotions about our family member.

Yesterday afternoon, we had eaten and were getting ready for friends to join us later. I looked out the front window and saw a wee bee flying around. I no longer put myself on the side burner, my feelings matter, how I feel matters, even as mom I need to allow myself that permission to take the breaks… and grab my camera.

When I grab my camera, the quiet moment is instant. I am in MY own world.

To just BE…

This morning began early with beautiful soft warm light, that called to me to get out with my camera. I am grateful I did, as its been raining off and on since. Also, fitting.

If you want to know more about the Lens-Artists challenge, please click here.