Sitting on the deck early this morning, a bright beautiful red Cardinal joined us.

There is never an easy way to say this, so Im just going to say it…

On the May long weekend, we received some heavy news. The journey we had been on with our daughter for over a year, came with abrupt, very unexpected news. She was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer.

Hearing the word, feels heavy, it is heavy, this diagnosis we were not expecting. She was initially being tested for POTS due to the symptoms she was having. It hit us all very hard. Wanting to know all the unknowns and there is still so much we do not know yet. She is so young, which I see as both good thing but also, she is SO young! Then the reality for me, anger and pissed off at the Dr who denied she needed further testing, and when will this luck shift, selfishly pissed off to be facing something with another child, after my husbands accident and multiple surgeries, our sons multiple surgeries and on going care. My nervous system is maxed out.

Our family is one who supports holistically and has been for well over 10 years, we have only needed the hospital in broken bone and surgical reasons – so this journey resulting in this diagnosis, my goodness, with what our family has walked through, its been a lesson!

I will do anything for my kids and husband, and I am praying so hard for healing and peace. We are supporting our girl in any and all ways that we can. We knew something was behind her not feeling well for so long, but honestly had no idea – no idea it could result in this diagnosis, until she needed a biopsy, that this could get worse.

Steps ahead are meeting with a specialist and then figuring things out. For now, I am grateful each day that I listened to her, heard her and kept pushing. Grateful she kept track of how she was feeling and when. Grateful she has a wonderful core group of friends who have been supporting her. Even after she felt defeated when her own doctor wouldn’t do any further blood work. Hearing your child say to you, ‘so they don’t care that I don’t feel good’, is heart breaking. Receiving the blood work results from our Naturopath (that we had to pay for because her family Dr denied the need for further blood work) I instantly felt panic, as wonderful as our Naturopath is, they can only do so much in Ontario – due to the medical system and you have to pay out of pocket. What do we do? How do we get further tests? I couldn’t think straight – I haven’t for a while, she recommended requesting to have her see who I was seeing, a nurse practitioner. There was push back, but I pushed harder. When your family doctor opens another clinic, in another town and is only being a family doctor for a fraction of the time and not listening to their patient, no she does not deserve to keep my daughter as a patient she can gaslight.

Our entire family, immediate and extended lives were rocked a year and a half – wait, hang on… … I just realized, the day before we found out this news, was exactly a year and a half since my brother, passed. At some point, while we were on this journey with her, I think it was in between getting the 1st concerning ultrasound in town and being referred to KW for a 2nd one with a probable biopsy – I learned the more research I did… I had that mothers instinct, something was wrong. I was in meditation one day and clearly heard my brothers voice speak to me, about the impending diagnosis, ‘Pam, its not good, but you can handle it’. I will never forget that moment, of instant tears and saying ‘I don’t want to handle anymore’.

I read something the other day about accepting what Ive learned – as that was the lesson. Which hit me hard… we did have a very clear and strong lesson in this journey – intuition over degree – ALWAYS. Had I ignored my gut feeling, my daughter would still be feeling miserable and the Cancer could spread being left untreated.

What was the lesson – after years, so many years of being so frustrated, angry, sad with the medical system, sadly in Canada its an absolute dumpster fire, its been made abundantly clear – you must be your biggest advocate – no matter what – and you must make decisions that may cost you time, money and people in your life – but it could save! Find the courage to speak up, find the courage to put your foot down, find the courage to push past. I kept receiving a no when I called her doctor, actually the first response was we have no specialist records for her. Then no to more blood work, than they had previously done – once, and then no again when I called with a recommended list from the Naturopath.

This is not ok in the medical system. Someone clearly not feeling well, missing day’s of school and its ok to make a decision, in the doctor’s opinion that this is not necessary? Im not sorry when I say this, but she is the only person in her body experiencing this, not that Dr using her ‘opinion’ or me. Yet, the difference, I chose to listen to my daughter. I chose – thank god – to empower her. To then push her to do the follow up blood tests through the Naturopath after the doctor denied her, if they don’t care why bother? Why, because we know better.

While waiting for tests, the nodule began pushing on her throat more – very concerning – her NP tried an antibiotic to help with the inflammation – which for a couple days did help a bit with pressure. When we picked up the prescription, we were reminded… other than needing a cream in January… interesting for patch of hair loss, she hadn’t had one since I think 2011 or early 2012! We do not abuse this medical system and yet… its ok for Dr’s to just make opinions for you or your child’s life – nope! Not ok.

I know its going to take time for my emotions to calm – in all the ways, for me to even begin to accept this is true, as she was ready earlier this week to allow it to be known, I was not. But this is her story. This is our new reality and we will always walk with her side by side. As a parent, I will not sit down and allow anyone else and their child to be disrespected in such a way. Ive been quiet for too long. We have sadly had horrible luck with “general family doctors”, I didn’t realize opinions trumped medical tests, and spoiler – they don’t! I am truly grateful for Nurse Practitioners and Naturopath’s! Their level of knowledge, compassion and caring far surpasses! So far… at least with my husband and son, their specialists have also been respectful, knowledgeable and compassionate, I do pray for that for our girl, however with nothing to be repeated like the men!

Most of all right now, leaning on self care – for her and me! This week has felt so heavy, knowing that by the end of the week it would be known at her school, a choice I am so incredibly proud of her for. She was ready, I wasn’t, it just began to make everything already feel so much more real. So this week I leaned in for me, I had a long bath pretty much every night and honestly didn’t do much else – and that’s okay!

Last evening, with her teacher’s and parent’s support, she walked as a part of the Cancer Relay for Life Survivor/Warrior Lap. The survivors/warriors did their own lap and then everyone joined in, as we met up with her, walking towards the corner we looked up to see her boyfriends parents and 2 of his brothers standing there to do a lap with all of us! (Her BF was out of town working). Incredibly emotional and appreciated! Its definitely taken some time for this to settle in. Feeling all the waves of emotions and then some. Letting the tears fall when they need to and trusting this journey for our girl. She has a very strong tight knit village walking right alongside her!

Having Cancer in our family, Maddy had already planned to be a part of the Relay for Life walking for…

The kids never got to meet their nan, my husbands mom sadly passed away 2 months before we were married. The kids grandad has battled Cancer a few times and is still here with us.

I am so proud of our girl, also admittedly scared. We have already been told some success stories so we are trusting in this journey to be a small bump in her long life!