Not Afraid Of Your Shadows

On my mom’s birthday, we received our daughters Thyroid Cancer diagnosis.

On my sister’s birthday, we received the all clear.

80 Days

80 of the hardest days of my life; to hear the news that the biopsy came back positive for papillary thyroid cancer and that the remaining tissue is clear.

Thank God

The summer that felt in limbo, where even the basic plans were not made without deep thought.

80 Days – that felt like 800

Knowing she had school coming up in the fall, and feeling frozen in time. I couldn’t bring myself to move forward into the unknown. This unknown had hit our family countless times before.

I was scared.

For her and me.

I still do not know where I found the strength.

The day after her surgery, my 94 yr old Grama fell and broke her hip. It was devastating news to hear.

The 2020’s – the years of so many unknowns and ranging from children to middle age to seniors – I won’t lie, it has felt so heavy.

As we begin to transcend down into the fall months, I feel to my core the basic need to pull within. The first fall, in 20 years we haven’t been on-the-go with kids of various ages with the weekend demands hitting heavier as they grew.

This winter, we are walking into a season for us – my husband and I.

Hockey for our kids is over, that officially ended earlier this year.

A time for me, with both kids in their own trade school programs, its now time for mom’s heart and soul to begin a deeper healing, one that feels so multi-level.

Its been my norm to have to push, hard, within the medical system we have in Canada. Even with my Grama, I felt my tongue allowing words to free fall, questioning everything, with respect and compassion – but more so truth. This is hard on the nervous system. Pushing back against what you feel isn’t right, yet you are pushing against people whose diplomas become their identity – quite literally.

When your nervous system feels off, and you know how to shift energy, its a natural step forward into healing. The knowing that even through the unknown, you are allowed peace.

Let the opinions of others, fall by the wayside. Gossip is toxic and not positive to move forward with, whatsoever. The opinions of others, are their own and truly, are none of your business. This can feel like a hard pill to swallow. Quite hard.

Its Okay to step up. Its Okay to honor yourself. Its Okay to simply be you.

When someone is criticizing yet sees themselves only in golden light, allow yourself the peace to know that they are living in their own cloudy world. Choosing to live in the sunshine, and not afraid of your shadows is where peace is found.