Its my little brother’s birthday today, he passed away almost 2 years ago. To be honest, it still doesn’t feel entirely real, that this is forever, and yet it is.
This photo is taken from the opposite side of the river behind our parents house. It felt beautifully fitting for Monochrome Monday today for my brothers birthday <3
I spent some tie last night putting some pictures together into a couple collages, and after sharing one this morning broke down, for what felt like on and off all day. For this I am grateful, that I had an opportunity to have a break at lunch at home and a husband, who is also grieving, see’s my depth and knows I need him, so I can just be.
A nice hot bath with some epsom salts and Shinrin-Yoku – the oil of Immersion (think forest bathing), Frankincense – the oil of truth (grounding), Copaiba – the oil of Unveiling and Clove – the oil of Boundaries.
In the diffuser when I got home I put in Kumquat – the oil of Authentic Presence, Juniper Berry – the oil of Night (think fear) and Laurel Leaf – the oil of Triumph.
Its honestly been a while since I pulled these 3 oils above off the shelf in the diffuser blend, and yet something pulled me to them. I wrote the other day about being in the shower and the song Kingdom of Fear playing in my mind. It was Saturday morning, when I wanted to take my dog and my camera with my big lens on a walk. Actually, I wanted to take both my cameras to get wide and zoomed in shots ;)
Fear has been sneakily hiding with me in so many ways. After my brother died, I did not want to see anyone, if I saw them and they asked me about him or shared their condolences, that just made it more true, more real. Of feeling overwhelmed by everything and the fear of not being able to handle what I once could. Fear of falling, when 2 months later I fell and hit my head. Fear took over my body and walking the dog on anything but dry pavement, didn’t happen.
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