With all that’s going in the world I am reminded to be grateful, to be proud and compassionate – first to myself. It’s easy to get wrapped up in this BS that seems to be in the world at this moment, BUT so much more important to REALLY LOVE on ourselves, first, so we can PUSH that LOVE back out into the world.
This weekend we laid the deck! I friggin love it! It was the missing piece to our outdoor living! It’s still not finished, but its progress! Sneak peek ✌
Check out that pile of bricks beside the deck… after work tonight the kids and I as a team moved every single one of those bricks from under the deck, to where they sit now ready to be cleaned. A job I was honestly not looking forward to at all, but one that had to get done. One of those tasks that if you just do it, it goes by much easier than sitting and thinking (stressing) about it. #progressvsperfection
My day started off with a rustling in my office… I knew that sound! I’ve heard it in my house before… mouse! I thought I trapped him and got rid of him (saw a bag moving), but alas he got away and later surprised me while answering a call from a customer 🤦♀️🤣! I find the spiritual meanings behind things very fascinating, so I looked up the mouse… interesting!
I’m grateful for me, that I am able to put my energy into our home, to not see it as daunting but as an adventure, building our dream home, creating our nest and also um moving and cleaning bricks, among the other tasks is a freaking workout, damn it actually feels good. To find the enjoyment in the “everyday” tasks like dishes and laundry, lol may always be a #workinprogress, but I so love organized and clean! #aplaceforeverything #everythinginitsplace
One step at a time. What’s most important is enjoying the moment. An hour and a half work on the house, the rest of the evening to relax… and enjoy our space. It’s the little things, that truly are the big things ✌ 🥰
I am on day 14 in Gabby Bernstein’s 21 Day Meditation Challenge.
This morning when I looked up the meditation, I initially was annoyed. There wasn’t a meditation to listen to…
Reading this I am thinking, WTF Gabby, you are supposed to be trying to help us calm our minds even more and in the process gain more peace. Goodness, especially this week. Can I be honest, it’s a value I greatly appreciate. I took a step back from scrolling social. It’s bad enough that they are now selectively censoring, even with natural health, but the negativity and division is just so sad. One day I came home from work, I think it was Wednesday, and at my phone down for the evening. It felt awesome. I felt more present, in touch with me, even doing the “everyday evening things”. I began hearing clips on the news and had to look it up. My goodness, our world needs a massive shift. Massive. A collective massive shift. Removing any hatred, violence, abuse, division… I digress.
So I read this email and think… wtf. I have “things to do”. So I go about doing them, at first ready to help my husband and son with deck things, until I realized it was raining and they had it planned out what they were doing. So I came inside.
I had the most glorious couple of hours. In our house, cleaning and tidying up. Enjoying being in our space and honoring it. I put a cleansing essential oil blend in the diffuser of Lemongrass, White Fir (can use Siberian Fir) and Wild Orange. Made some slight, but significant shifts for better flow in our household. All while listening to Joel Osteen over the google mini, which… anyone else have one that in the past month has a mind of it’s own? Seriously, I am curious!
Holy F!!! It hit me… Gabby’s email this morning. Taking care of our home, our living space, which is a reflection of us, was completely warming me up! I felt calm, at peace, flowing with grace and ease.
Gabby, thank you for this beautiful reminder. Its helped me shift my visions again, fine tune if you will, of the flow in our home, the importance for our mental health, our everyday living and most of all everything has a place, and everything in its place. I love that we are working towards this and making great strides!
Feel so accomplished today. Within our home (cleaning), assisting with the deck (renos), grabbing some groceries (menu planning) and taking some macro photography and processing the images (creativity)! All before we are going to enjoy cooking on our grill on the deck to enjoy dinner with my family (love and connection)!
Trees in blossom near the Post Office
If one thing Covid-19 has taught us, it’s to realign with our priorities, wants and needs and to be strong with our voice. Most of all though, the importance of figuring out what provides you the feeling of flowing in life with grace and ease. Living in alignment with my true values and honoring me.
I had an awesome zoom call last night. An opportunity that I totally feel I was gifted and am grateful for. With a woman who’s photographs and life journey I have been enjoying over the years and who is also a distant relative.
We spoke of life, positives and negatives, challenges and frustrations, goals and dreams. The importance of always being proud to shine your light! This word the most completely resonated with me.
Shine your light! Even those who may react, push back or come off as negative, will benefit from your light. Even if just a little bit gets in.
The truth of life is, we ALL have shit to work through, every single one of us. The sooner we shine that light, realize that life truly is what I choose to make it, how I choose to react to any challenges or stresses, how I honor my body, how I face any challenges and know that its progress, not perfection.
To focus on my VALUES.
Because that is what is truest to my heart. That is when I am most in alignment and life flows with grace and ease.
Getting healthy and staying healthy is an investment in your health.
I can admit, Im like many others who has limiting belief’s of my own that used to hold me back. “I can’t do it”, “I wont loose the weight”, “I would have to give up ‘good’ food”… “I will have to spend money on me” (new clothes, bras, underwear).
Yes, getting healthy, making that healthy shift in your life is without a doubt an investment.
I’ve never been a girl who loves shopping. The crowds, fads, fashion just has never peaked a passion in me. I enjoy clothes for their purpose, much like my shoes, which I have a small collection of.
One thing I had to prepare my mindset for was the results of getting healthy, which ultimately meant losing weight, and thus having to replace clothes, multiple times. I aim to live a purposeful life, replacing clothing that is technically in great shape, was a hurdle, but one I am proud I overcame.
Investing in my health meant making vitamins, minerals and omegas a priority.
Investing time into researching, learning, listening, leaning into myself to shift.
Investing money in clothes, bras and underwear. Being bigger in the chest has been a challenge of mine my entire life, in my early college days, I remember crying on the phone to my now husband because the bras I needed were well over $100…each. All my life I can honestly say it’s been a journey in learning to love the body I was given. At 18 I had a breast reduction, not long later, they grew back. 7-8 1/2 years later I had both our children, my weight fluctuated quite a bit prior to having kids and in the years after. In the past 3 1/2 years by shifting my life naturally, I have shed and kept off 60 lbs.
So I feel the BEST I ever have in my life with my health, honestly. In these past 3 1/2 yrs, I have felt faced with this additional growth opportunity… 60lbs is significant, and within that loss I’ve had to release and purchase new clothes many times.
I am at this ‘time’ again. The bras I have limped along, the ones I bought probably 2 or even 2 1/2 years ago, are well beyond my comfort and band size. This is when these emotions get stirred up again. The investment alone is significant and the process of sizing is an emotional trigger.
Overall, would I go back to how I felt emotionally and physically 3 1/2 years ago, NO! That’s a very hard no.
I am trying out a new bra company, that also has unique sizing, wireless which is cool, anyone big busted knows wires can either provide amazing support or being a major pain! The process however and wanting to feel comfortable can be overwhelming. Many tears have been shed, with this pandemic we are currently living this has presented a whole new challenge, and reminder… to not put off what is important, that I do have time!
Not long before this pandemic was announced I was in Guelph, I had a doctor specialist appointment and drove past one lingerie place twice… I saw it, knew I should stop (being unique means any mall type lingerie stores are completely off the table for my uniqueness 😉). While driving past to head home, I looked over and said “next time, it’s fine, I will be fine”… knowing that to replace said bras I would be at minimum $90-120 each, true story and what also tends to feeds my fear.
Live and learn. I ALWAYS have more than enough time. Always!
So as I embrace this shift, I have found new appreciation for my strapless investment for my sisters wedding. Strapless and having a large chest isn’t always, no it’s not the more desirable daily situation… BUT when you remember that strapless bra came with attachable straps, that my friends is a game changer!!!
I started out yesterday wearing one of my new bras, which I will give a review once I’ve given them all a fair shot. However only made it until lunch time as I arrived home in tears. I was reminded why its OK to appreciate my bra I had invested in as it completely shifted my day. Last night I washed the other ones (30 day wash and wear guarantee) and tried them on after… they had loosened! I wasn’t feeling as squished as I felt previously. Even in the bikini top I bought, that I am totally going to embrace this summer either in this size or the next up 😉!
I am once again feeling ok, yes this is going to “cost” me, to be real, upwards of $500 or more. Which is the reality of my shift in healthiness and one I must be ok with rising above.
For years, I let this financial cost hold me back many times, trying to skimp to “save”, when really it may have saved me some $, but cost me comfort. Same goes for underwear. If I can be real again, sure alot of it looks nice but most women know true comfort, especially after kids, is 100% cotton. Another challenging hurdle Ive had as I used to get my bras and underwear from Additionelle. I highly recommend. If you are 36″ band and up with large cups! Years ago, my husband, bless him, found their collection and they were my affordable and comfortable go to for years! Rather than $90-120 per bra I was able to get them on sale for $50 or less! In the past year I’ve tried a few different brands of underwear and unfortunately none were like my 100% cotton (and just because it says the gusset is 100%… doesn’t mean jack if the fabric underneath that isn’t! So I’ve been limping through my underwear as well and am hoping these ones I found and am waiting on to come in will work. Another emotional, financial hurdle to overcome!
It’s all a growth experience and one I am thankful for, but also appreciative of. A great reminder that sometimes by scrimping and living in fear we can actually end up wasting alot more time and money than had I just invested in the first place! Also much like healthy food, I’ve noticed when I’m eating healthy food, I eat way less than if I was eating junk!
Our bodies, our health and our homes, these are what we must be investing our time and money into now. To truly BE comfortable. Whatever that means to me or you! 🙌 🥰 🙏
Stand tall, even if at times it feels like standing alone, you are unique in your own beautiful way! 💕 A photo of our beautiful apple tree in bloom in our back yard. Pamela McLellan Zmija
Beautiful morning on the deck! It’s not even finished yet and I am LOVING our new space! A space that we went back and forth on many times, was it worth it, did we really need it… what it all came down to was me and my “worry” and fear of spending more money. Should we pull it back, do something different, did we really need a “bigger” bedroom, did we really need to do any of this… then one day I finally said enough! We had been working on our home plans for years, had even considered selling and building, yet much of what we were looking at was very similar to what we had, just with our own tweaking after living in our space. Just over a year ago, I leaned in even more. All in Divine timing. What’s meant to happen, will happen. Just trust in the process. Let go of trying to control the timeline. When inquiring about a permit for Spring 2020, our current permit was issued and although at the time I was feeling stressed beyond belief, I am SO thankful! Had we waited until this year, I can honestly say I doubt we would have moved forward with our plans. I could have fallen into that fear and worry mindset-which is exactly what hit me when the “pandemic” was announced. In reality, yes its added time to our mortgage, yes it’s been stressful at times, BUT its money and time WELL spent on our home. I am feeling SO grateful for our custom-to-us nest 🙏😍🏡! When you think you’ve leaned in to yourself, lean in a little more! Push past the ego and into your true self 💕 You are worth it! Let go of all fear! 🙌
I’ve been feeling a bit more on edge lately. With school recently announced that its over for this school year, I am feeling grateful, but also very conscious of what that means for our kids in a totally different way.
I have read of the new CDC Guidelines for re-opening a school and it makes me feel sick. Our innocent children who should be laughing, playing, having fun while also learning are suddenly going to return to a stark cold atmosphere with very little human interaction.
This upsets me a great deal. Adds come confusion to my life. I know how I feel about this, so how do we make this work if needed? Not what I need to have figured out right now, but to be conscious and clear on my beliefs and opinion.
This is teaching us to find our true inner voice. To dive deep and find out what being authentic really means.
This week we also rescued a couple baby Robin’s from our soffit area of our house. I moved the nest down 2 feet and suddenly became a robin mama! Not something I was planning on, but something that did upset me. As soon as I saw the mama Robin on the nest one late morning I knew… she had babies! Those Robin’s build nests quick, they also abandon them quick too! For the past few days we cared for these Robin’s. All the while looking for a wildlife rehabilitation center for them to go. We put them in their nest completely intact, into a shoe box with a light. It was some very nerve wracking days for me, it however ended with some amazing people coming together for the sake of this innocent bird. Today at lunch one baby robin went to the rehab center and has responded well. Unfortunately we lost one baby Robin, this morning. I felt relief that at least we saved one. I am also exhausted. I barely slept last night because I knew they weren’t doing well.
When I came home after work I knew I needed a little me time. So I grabbed my camera and went out into the yard. It was so quiet, peaceful. I listened to the buzzing of the bees, the birds chirping and singing.
I was purposeful with my time and focusing on taking “the” shot. I set up my shots with much more precision, shooting in manual allows more freedom. A slower pace, enjoying the moment, the art of my subject that I am taking a photo of.
Apple Blossom – May 21, 2020 – Pamela Zmija
Another reminder that it’s ok to take a step back.
We had taken chicken out of the freezer for dinner. It stayed in the fridge longer than what it needed and was still a bit frozen. I could have completely set aside my desire to go outside and enjoy some me time with my camera to cook dinner and clean the kitchen… or I could lean in, surrender and admit it’s ok to not do it all! We ordered pizza! I sat down for 30 minutes with my camera card and computer and processed the images, admiring each image I so carefully crafted in the camera, brought to life even more through Lightroom. We will make a chicken dinner tomorrow night together!
I came home to our kids laughing, the best sound honestly! I was also quickly instructed to not go downstairs. For the entirety of our Covid-19 experience our son has been out of his room as we have progressed forward with the additions. Tonight he took the initiative to rearrange the space back into a loving room and moved his bed to a space that works best for he and his sister or us as a family to enjoy the basement together! It was an amazing surprise!
I truly appreciate the kids for the initiative they take, even during frustrating times that have felt lonely, I am thankful they have each other, us and their friends they have kept in touch with! It’s not a fun “current reality”.
This is what I used to do for me time, when I felt overwhelmed and needed to pull back from life… it’s too easy now to mindlessly scroll social media… another great reminder to follow people who inspire you and are authentic in their own life. This is something that has become strongly clear to me. Honor your own ethics and values!
It’s to convenient to view other people lives and think we are insuperior in some way than they are. Or reading the words of others. We are all entitled to our opinions. That doesn’t mean we have permission to be rude or inconsiderate. This time in our life especially, it’s important to be allowed to speak your mind and also respect that of others.
It feels even better to take a step back into the big picture of our own life. How incredible it really is. Our surroundings and the things in our home.
My life really is an art. It flows, sometimes better than others. All in Divine Timing! 💕
As I get ready for bed, I picked up this book to read today’s message 💕
A mothers day that will go down in history. Also one where I have such conflicting feelings.
An abundance of love and compassion for the 2 beautiful children I have been gifted. Through the trials and tribulations of infertility they truly are my greatest gifts and best accomplishments in my life.
My heart is also hurting.
For the past 15 years we have celebrated Mother’s Day with an important mama in Heaven, my husbands mom, my mother in law Diane. We miss her nearly everyday, just not Mother’s Day.
We are grateful to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day with my mom each year… except this year. This Mother’s Day morning filled me with sadness and tears. Gratitude to be with my husband and our two “babies” but missing our “norm”.
I pulled myself together and we as a family did some distanced drop off’s (which I’m just going to admit I’m SO past this… people are not meant to isolate from each other all.the friggin.time. I digress…) and then had a family zoom Mother’s Day online call which was cool and lifted my spirits even more! Ended with our own little family dinner to celebrate ME 🥰!
I am so grateful for our life together, including the challenges we have faced. Being a mama isn’t an “easy job”, especially when it began with so much pain and ill health. What I continue to remind myself is I have the power to direct the wind in my sails. We are not all in the same boat during this pandemic, but we are in the same storm. Much like life in general. None of us live the exact same life, we grow, adapt, shift and make our life what we want it to be!
This year turned out to be pretty amazing and next year, along with every other will be it’s own amazingness 🙏💕!
Thank you my babies for choosing me to be your mama and always encouraging me to be truly authentic!
I genuinely want to create better habits for myself.
In all honesty, as our home is nearing completion, I amrralizing how important transforming our space was.
At times I recognize that I allow emotions to dictate my day. Those emotions are typically triggered by something, lack of sleep, digestive issues, stress/worry/anxiety, people.
Its ME holding onto the way something affected me to be almost held hostage in my daily life.
Two weeks ago (and soon after this pandemic was declared) I had a major digestive flare up. Major pain, discomfort, barely any sleep. If I am still holding onto that emotion of “feeling like crap”, fricken literally, it’s a good bet I will also lose sleep the next night and then the next. All along with going with the everyday life, while feeling exhausted.
This affects my routines in a very big way. I begin slacking off or not putting my best into my morning and night dailygreatness journal. When I know this helps me steer my day in a very strong way.
“You cannot pour from an empty cup!”
I heard on a webinar today about Happiness and Resiliency. It was like she was speaking to me.
My routines, what I do for me, is 100% mine. When I allow outside influences in, it throws off my routine. Much like this pandemic. I can admit during this time my routine has been interrupted multiple times.
Kids out of school, online school, rules that we cannot socialize anymore, grocery store “lock downs”, yes this is how it felt at times (waiting in lines, face masks, gloves, people avoiding others) cold and not what rural living is. It affects a person emotionally for sure. Doing my own research, expanding my mind, a new level of wtf, but also ironically a wee bit more confidence (in myself). All while living in our final major reno to completing our home 🏡!
Yes life is very different, slightly confusing how a movie like life, is our current reality. Regardless of what it is, how its affecting our day to day…
If I dont pour into me first, set an intention for my day, week etc it wont flow as best that it can!
I know this from my own experience. I am also trusting, multiple number sequences the past couple weeks and hearing similar messages from those who I follow.
Allow life to be real life, at times its cloudy, a little messy, but if you always make time for yourself, you can have the power to re-direct your energy, which is powerful! ✌
This evening it was as simple as joy in doing dishes. Enjoying doing them, when in reality it doesn’t take that long. By filling the sink for some dishes to soak for a few minutes while I allowed my inspiration to flow about the importance of my own routines. Encouraging less social screen time, for all of us. We got sucked back into the news when this pandemic broke. It totally contributed to my days feeling on edge, unsure, worried of “what would happen next”, fear.
I am committing to myself to pour into me, before anyone else. I do have time to start my day with my thoughts, some positive words of wisdom and goal setting. There is one positive in this pandemic and that is the gift of time for us as a family to enjoy our home, to shift things, to shape its completion and for that I am grateful! 🙏
An important part, I feel, to being true to ourselves and our routines is to follow your heart. One would think either having “more time” in the evenings and weekends of this pandemic I would be taking more photos… I have of the reno stages, some of real life. The kids were looking through the family photo albums last night reminiscing of when they were babies and little. Speaking with a dear family friend today, I mentioned this to them, about how those years were a blur. The kids are 17 3/4 months apart. Our daughters due date was literally 18 months exact from our son. Many memories I remember through those photos. Routine was a norm with morning and bedtime. Taking photos of everything and anything was also a norm. One I am so thankful for.
Looking back at those photos reminds me of where we were and how far we have come. The times I felt like I was crumbling when I became a survivor. A journey through life. Captured through photos of all the various daily routines, bathtime, bedtime, mealtime, playtime. I am a creature of habit and that’s life!
So take more photos and create your perfect morning and evening routine… you owe it to yourself, and the rest of the world!
Its been a dark, dreary day today with little pockets of sunshine with blue skies. The perfect dinner planned… Lasagna! A dish I was once intimidated by, now quite enjoy the process and the meal!
Life lately has been like a lasagna. Actually, following a recipe to make a lasagna as well.
After making it a few times now, I know the ingredients and found a few ways to tweak it just a little bit, kinda a personal twist to make it mine.
Enjoying the silence of the kitchen, hearing the laughter from my kids playing together down stairs (and that was after they did some organizing and decluttering together with my encouragement!) and hearing my husband in the house garage. A beautiful sense of “normalcy” in our nest. I think of how blessed we have been to have the time to get done what we need to, for our contractors timing lining up perfectly.
I am then brought back to reality of the actual life we are living and how relevant it is to me following the lasagna recipe.
There may be guidelines of life, laws to follow, which are all within reason, an understanding. But then there are some that just make you go hmmmm???
We are all entitled to live our life our way, as long as we follow the “rules”. As well as a lasagna it can be made in so many different ways and life in general has many layers. We interpret life how we choose to and with what feels right. Our bodies are unique, our interests, tastes, knowledge, experience, etc.
We take the recipe and make it our own.
Every single one of us is living a “new” life right now. One that is not allowing us freedom to choose. Many are living in fear. Isolating and mental health sinking. Pharmaceutical use on the rise. Sadly, understandable! Confusion of what’s going on, the unknown, uncertainty.
Life truly is like a lasagna, with many layers, sometimes really messy, but also so very good. The more you accept the messy parts of your life and shine light on them, the happier and healthier you can become, speaking from my own experience.
Living a life in alignment, with your truths, ethics and values. Living and working/earning an honest living with mustal respect.
If you know me, you know that as much as I am a very strong introvert, who is an independent thinker. I have had moments in my life of complete deceit, lies, verbal and emotional abuse, control but that is not me. I’ve lost friends for standing up for myself and questioned my own worth. I used to think the hurtful/negative things were a big part of me, but in truth there were reflections of others. I have learned to believe in myself, to listen to myself and when I am not sure, when it doesn’t feel right yet, I find the answer.
My health is a beautiful example, meeting my husband, the best, each of our children and my journey before and with them.
This current world we are living in, although has been devastating to our economy, has given us a unique opportunity to REALLY dive down deep within to our core. To slow down life and actually hear what we have been whispering to ourselves. A few months ago I wrote about wanting to blog more, to step back from social media as much. I have heard this little whisper anytime I would scroll social media. I could also feel the anxiety rise while I scrolled. Also why I purposely unfollowed a lot of news outlets and why we purposely stopped watching the news at home years ago. Then I read this today. How these big tech companies, simpler to refer to them as that, have been encouraged to strongly filter information online. Let me dumb that down, giving them complete control over what we are allowed to voice as our opinion. Yes could be a grey area, lots of crazy talk in general out there. Yup there is, there always has been. So why now? You could look up some crazy controversial shit and now with C0vid-I9 we are suddenly being muzzled?! Why?
I have felt for a while that something is off, something does not feel right. This feels like a movie… Have you watched Contagion? I think that’s what its called. Honestly I enjoy movies, shows, music etc., I focus on the plot or song/sound, not who is in it .
Life is like a lasagna, multiple layers, a little messy, not the same for everyone, but we all have a choice of what piece and how we will enjoy it, even how we build it!
You have a choice. You have the time. Regardless if you are working or not. We are working, home schooling, renovating with two new additions and yes I have found time to learn more. The more I learn, the more sure I become in myself. Listening to myself. Trusting my self.
Do not just take my word or anyone else’s, you will see the more you look and trust me its eye opening, disturbing but so freaking believable. Believable because I have experienced physical and emotional control, which is also just as common of women doing this to men as well.
There is a very strong pull in me in living an authentic life, speaking an authentic voice and doing so because I feel confident. No one should tell anyone what to think or believe, mustal respect in understanding this. In valuing your own life and choices enough to respect others. Choosing to be informed, credibly, and if needed admitting that your preious belief just may have been skewed without you even realizing it.
Use this time to get quiet with yourself. Listen and feel. How do you feel? This matters. When you live authentically you feel different. When you are in alignment you thrive, emotionally, physically, financially, health.
How are you living authentically?
Are you living in truth? What is the truth? Will you take the steps to see? Or just follow along with what you are told?
Side note… if you choose to do the research, educate yourself and be strong in your beliefs while respecting others! If it’s being completely authentic… That’s exactly what should be happening! Life is not and never was meant to be a competition. Being authentic means a journey enjoying the good and any bumps in the road! Living a real life 💕
During this time of so much uncertainty in the world – focus on what IS within your control! Find ways to truly love your living space and YOU! 💕
Speaking from my own experience, when I began to pay attention to all of this within my OWN home… my mental and physical health began thriving!
The biggest shift in my health was ME taking control, ME doing the research, ME standing against the flow and shifting a different direction.
It’s not for anyone to dictate what I or you should do, it’s for each of us to make the educated choice based on our own time spend researching, the info is out there and easy to find. Especially, let’s face it if you have been frustrated and sick and tired of feeling sick and tired… something hasn’t been working so what and how can YOU shift! 🤗✌🥰
