Its been a dark, dreary day today with little pockets of sunshine with blue skies. The perfect dinner planned… Lasagna! A dish I was once intimidated by, now quite enjoy the process and the meal!

Life lately has been like a lasagna. Actually, following a recipe to make a lasagna as well.

After making it a few times now, I know the ingredients and found a few ways to tweak it just a little bit, kinda a personal twist to make it mine.

Enjoying the silence of the kitchen, hearing the laughter from my kids playing together down stairs (and that was after they did some organizing and decluttering together with my encouragement!) and hearing my husband in the house garage. A beautiful sense of “normalcy” in our nest. I think of how blessed we have been to have the time to get done what we need to, for our contractors timing lining up perfectly.

I am then brought back to reality of the actual life we are living and how relevant it is to me following the lasagna recipe.

There may be guidelines of life, laws to follow, which are all within reason, an understanding. But then there are some that just make you go hmmmm???

We are all entitled to live our life our way, as long as we follow the “rules”. As well as a lasagna it can be made in so many different ways and life in general has many layers. We interpret life how we choose to and with what feels right. Our bodies are unique, our interests, tastes, knowledge, experience, etc.

We take the recipe and make it our own.

Every single one of us is living a “new” life right now. One that is not allowing us freedom to choose. Many are living in fear. Isolating and mental health sinking. Pharmaceutical use on the rise. Sadly, understandable! Confusion of what’s going on, the unknown, uncertainty.

Life truly is like a lasagna, with many layers, sometimes really messy, but also so very good. The more you accept the messy parts of your life and shine light on them, the happier and healthier you can become, speaking from my own experience.

Living a life in alignment, with your truths, ethics and values. Living and working/earning an honest living with mustal respect.

If you know me, you know that as much as I am a very strong introvert, who is an independent thinker. I have had moments in my life of complete deceit, lies, verbal and emotional abuse, control but that is not me. I’ve lost friends for standing up for myself and questioned my own worth. I used to think the hurtful/negative things were a big part of me, but in truth there were reflections of others. I have learned to believe in myself, to listen to myself and when I am not sure, when it doesn’t feel right yet, I find the answer.

My health is a beautiful example, meeting my husband, the best, each of our children and my journey before and with them.

This current world we are living in, although has been devastating to our economy, has given us a unique opportunity to REALLY dive down deep within to our core. To slow down life and actually hear what we have been whispering to ourselves. A few months ago I wrote about wanting to blog more, to step back from social media as much. I have heard this little whisper anytime I would scroll social media. I could also feel the anxiety rise while I scrolled. Also why I purposely unfollowed a lot of news outlets and why we purposely stopped watching the news at home years ago. Then I read this today. How these big tech companies, simpler to refer to them as that, have been encouraged to strongly filter information online. Let me dumb that down, giving them complete control over what we are allowed to voice as our opinion. Yes could be a grey area, lots of crazy talk in general out there. Yup there is, there always has been. So why now? You could look up some crazy controversial shit and now with C0vid-I9 we are suddenly being muzzled?! Why?

I have felt for a while that something is off, something does not feel right. This feels like a movie… Have you watched Contagion? I think that’s what its called. Honestly I enjoy movies, shows, music etc., I focus on the plot or song/sound, not who is in it .

Life is like a lasagna, multiple layers, a little messy, not the same for everyone, but we all have a choice of what piece and how we will enjoy it, even how we build it!

You have a choice. You have the time. Regardless if you are working or not. We are working, home schooling, renovating with two new additions and yes I have found time to learn more. The more I learn, the more sure I become in myself. Listening to myself. Trusting my self.

Do not just take my word or anyone else’s, you will see the more you look and trust me its eye opening, disturbing but so freaking believable. Believable because I have experienced physical and emotional control, which is also just as common of women doing this to men as well.

There is a very strong pull in me in living an authentic life, speaking an authentic voice and doing so because I feel confident. No one should tell anyone what to think or believe, mustal respect in understanding this. In valuing your own life and choices enough to respect others. Choosing to be informed, credibly, and if needed admitting that your preious belief just may have been skewed without you even realizing it.

Use this time to get quiet with yourself. Listen and feel. How do you feel? This matters. When you live authentically you feel different. When you are in alignment you thrive, emotionally, physically, financially, health.

How are you living authentically?

Are you living in truth? What is the truth? Will you take the steps to see? Or just follow along with what you are told?

Side note… if you choose to do the research, educate yourself and be strong in your beliefs while respecting others! If it’s being completely authentic… That’s exactly what should be happening! Life is not and never was meant to be a competition. Being authentic means a journey enjoying the good and any bumps in the road! Living a real life 💕

Im Tired.

There I said it.

Its been over month now since life drastically changed.

Working in essential business, not much for us has changed work wise other than only providing essential service which has meant some slower days. I am still going to our office every weekday while our kids (teen and tween) spend their days at home. I am grateful that we are in touch multiple times a day, I am close enough to go home if needed and do at various mid-day times. I am grateful my kids are safe at home, but they are also at home and have been for over a month.

Today I woke up feeling exhausted. even though I did sleep well and slept all night. I am physically and mentally feeling absolutely drained. The uncertainty, the unknown.

As I was sitting at work, I began getting a pain in my left ankle, more specifically the ball on my ankle. I have learned that many, if not all, physical pain’s we feel in our body, is related to our emotions, so I looked it up.

Ankles… inflexibility and guilt. Ankles represent the ability to receive pleasure.

To say this pandemic has not been consuming my mind, especially during the work week would be a flat out lie. Thinking of going grocery shopping instantly raises my anxiety and I feel very tight in my shoulders, neck and upper chest.

As grateful as I am that both my husband and I are still working, I will admit I have felt horribly guilty that my children are home all day, everyday and weekdays alone. I am thankful that they have been so resilient. After this past weekend, Easter, it was slightly challenging. We normally get together with family, we couldn’t. The kids indulged in chocolate – hang on best be truthful, we all indulged in chocolate which threw us all off as we normally do not consume that much sugar.

Today my body is speaking to me, to acknowledge feeling guilty, that its ok, nothing is “normal”, everyone is in this together and ITS OK to feel whatever I (and you) are feeling.

Our school principal called today, to touch base and when she was asking how the kids were and I almost burst in tears. As soon as we hung up I did.

Its ok mama’s and dad’s to be TIRED. We aren’t all in the same boat, but we are all in the same storm.

The story we tell ourselves with everything we do, is absolutely key to our mental well-being.

To feel serene, content, confident, secure, safe, comfortable, satisfied, abundant, loved.

Interestingly, this is how comfortable I feel and relaxed when home. The story of out in the “world” in our current living situation, it can push fear, sadness and uncertainty. I did not leave my house from the time I got home Thursday until leaving for work on Tuesday. It was glorious! We watched minimal news. Enough to be informed.

I did groceries during my lunch, we have been much more purposeful at what we are planning for meals and minimizing food waste, a plus for this for sure. So this was big for me, we had our meals planned out and I did not have to have that visual reminder.

As much as I do feel comfortable and safe at work, we still have to screen our customers. For our employee’s and their family’s safety but also for the customer. So with every customer I speak with I must ask them questions, which reminds me very vividly the situation we are living in. I hear kids in the background and I am reminded that my children are also home, which is comforting given the current world situation, however is another very strong reminder of what we are its like out in the world.

The past couple days have been much more challenging for me. I honestly feel the weather plays a big part, a blanket of snow both Monday and Tuesday night. Cold, dark and dreary. Chocolate and some other (gluten free) baked goods over Easter.

I read a news article this morning about how a grocery store in Toronto was mistakenly left open on Easter Sunday, when it was supposed to be closed. The article has comments in it from people who went in and knew something was wrong, some people had got some groceries and were writing it all down. Someone called the police to ensure it wasn’t left open unattended. This is was a beautiful reminder of being Canadian! Honestly I am enjoying the “break” from people – I said it. Its not a bad thing. I am very much an introvert and I love being in my home. I do obviously socialize, however typically by the end of winter and summer, I am ready for a little slow down in between those seasons. My time to refresh and renew.

This situation, which yes is warranted to ensure the health and safety of all, really can play with your mind. Especially when mother nature doesn’t want to cooperate either.

I had a wonderful weekend at home, long weekend off Friday and Monday. With a few calls each day of the weekend. It’s easier to shift after making those questions only a couple times a day versus numerous times a day!

The darker days tugged gently on me, trying to keep pulling me down. At lunch today I was hit with a wave of exhaustion. It’s been mentally exhausting at times. All I wanted to do was come home and go lay in bed, but I wouldn’t let myself. It helps when you commit to a friend.

I committed to my friend’s BUTI class she was teaching over zoom as a gift for everyone to help refocus, unwind and build strength! It’s been over 9 months since I had the pleasure of one being in class! It was SO good! EXACTLY what I needed!

I had a quick snack after work with lots of water… reminder to drink more water! We are supporting #takeoutday to order take out on Wednesday’s to support our local restaurants!

It’s all about balance…

Sometimes it’s what I think I don’t have time for, is exactly what I DO have time for when I slow my brain down, refocus and put my own needs first. This is a weird time for us all. No matter the age. Its helped me re-ignite my motivation within our house, within myself. And… it’s ok to enjoy downtime. It may feel scary out in the world at times, what truly matters is how you feel inside. Honor those feelings. 💕🙏